i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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