It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
