i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
