This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
