I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize