Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She bit a glass in half.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
