these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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