Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
