you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
