she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
