Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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