Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
