Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
