I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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