It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
