just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
