I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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