I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
