Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
