How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
