nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
