Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
one two three fourrrrnication!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
