also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
