Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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