i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
