If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
