I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
