I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
