i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
