So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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