He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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