Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
