i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
