Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
