you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
