from now on my penis is your penis
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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