you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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