I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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