I could make wine with my vomit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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