this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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