this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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