dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
