it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
