Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
