you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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