Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We don't watch enough power rangers
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
