Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
