What did we do last night that was yellow?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
