I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
