I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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