I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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