I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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