my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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