its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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