You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
