thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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