Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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