Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize