Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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