My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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