He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
