As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
