Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
