Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
