so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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