2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize