I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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