It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize