Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
