so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
