Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
