So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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