That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will be naked everywhere
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
