hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
