I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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