Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
