I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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