He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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