just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
