Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
