i would punch a child for taco bell
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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