Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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