im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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