He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
