i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
