Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
