piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
