so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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