I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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