Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want to make out with him forever
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
