A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
