best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
