Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
