A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
