I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
