Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
