Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
