I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In America we eat man semen.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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