I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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