Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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