They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
