You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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