I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
