This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
