I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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